Settling

I posted on Facebook about how I’ve been hearing/reading/listening a lot about not settling.

And some wanted to know what I’ve been reading, others what I’ve been watching. And then someone wanted to know what I meant by settling.

What do I mean by settling? Was that even the right word choice?

It is more than just settling—it’s knowing what are the strengths and weaknesses. And being realistic and then striving totally for where our talents are.














One of the things I’ve been getting these thoughts from is Beyond Talent by John C. Maxwell.

“One thing I teach people at my conferences is to stop working on their weaknesses and start working on their strengths. (By this I mean abilities, not attitude or character issues, which must be addressed) It has been my observation that people can increase their ability in an area by only two points on a scale of 1 to 10. For example, if our natural talent in an area is a 4, with hard work you may rise to a 6. In other words you can go from a little below average to a little above average. But let’s say you find a place where you are a 7; you have the potential to become a 9, maybe even a 10, if it’s your greatest area of strength and you work exceptionally hard!”

I, we, you—spend time trying to improve our 4s. Or trying to make other people improve their 4s. Why? God made each of us different with different talents and gifts. Why are we trying to change ourselves or others? Why not instead focus on our talents and gifts and pursue those and invite others to pursue their talents?

This paragraph was really powerful for me.

“Focusing on weaknesses instead of strengths is like having a handful of coins—a few made of pure gold and the rest of tarnished copper—and setting aside the gold coins to spend all your time cleaning and shining the copper ones in the hopes of making them look more valuable. No matter how long you spend on them, they will never be worth what the gold ones are. Go with your greatest assets; don’t waste your time.”



I also want to say the next part as gently as possible. Why do we spend so much time trying to make relationships that are copper into gold? Why do we keep trying to change people into what we want them to be or relationships into what we want them to be?

I’ve been there. But why?

Are you there? Stop trying to clean and shine the copper coins. It would be better to let go of copper coins and be empty than to have copper coins and thinking you can change them into gold.

“Safe living generally makes for regrets later on.” Don’t settle for comfortable or safety. It is better to be empty handed than settling for copper when you could have gold.


“What do you want to accomplish in your lifetime? How do you want to focus your energy: on survival, success, or significance?”

Significance. If it is only survival or success then it is not a life well lived.

“Death isn’t the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside of us while we live.”

And another source that inspired these continued thoughts on settling. A poem by Karen Vanderlaan.


The Worst Thing



I once told a distraught young mother,

That the worst thing that could happen to her child,

Was not her involvement in drugs and illicit behavior.

I believed the worst thing was death,

But I was wrong.



I have seen death,

And death is not the worst thing.

But, if death isn’t the worst thing,

What is?



The worst thing is to live a life without purpose,

Without grace, and dignity and gratitude.

A shallow life, bitter, without meaning,

A life which takes without giving back,

A life which throws away gifts freely given,



So regardless of how long or short,

This life we are given goes on,

Death is not the worst that can happen,

But squandering living just might be.













Death, or loss of something (job, dream, money, relationship) is not the worst thing that can happen but rather an empty life. One that you thought was good because you had survived and made a success of yourself (got a job—promotion, not single—dating) but in the end was copper, draining as you tried to make it be the gold you could’ve had.


As for what I watched, a short video that a friend put on Facebook. Maybe you won’t get what I got out of it. But it wasn’t that what he did made tons of money but it was his love, his talent, what he poured himself into and it was always worth it. Worth the time and work and pain even.

DARK SIDE OF THE LENS from Astray Films on Vimeo.

“…do something worth remembering with a photograph or with a scar.

I may never be a rich man but if I live long enough I’ll certainly have a tale or two…”

And the last quote, which keeps ringing in my heart is from Tim Redmond in the book Beyond Talent, “There are many things that will catch my eye, but only a few that catch my heart. It is those I consider to pursue.”

A list of smart, right choices are good and well—but what things are catching you heart? The heart God gave you? Pursue those in His blessing and grace.
























Disclaimer: There are things that I believe, once you have entered into them, such as marriage/children, that you need to stay in and work on because you have made that choice/commitment.

Shelter

Last Sunday Matthew surprised me by taking me to a Jars of Clay concert. It was fabulous to be surprised and to have it be Jars of Clay, my favorite band. Their new album is called Shelter and is based off an old Irish proverb that says, “It is in the shelter of each other that the people live.”

What’s amazing is that not only are the songs about community but they had a community working on the album together. Other Christian artists are featured through out the album. It was more than just theory for Jars of Clay they made it a reality for the album.

There are two thoughts that I am consumed by:

We live in the shelter of each other.

In the shelter of each other we live.

They may seem to be the same thing but they aren’t. We do live in the shelter of each other. Everyone is affected by the community they live in. If the shelter has leaks and holes in it then the shelter of each other will not be comforting or safe. If the shelter is filled with bitter and passive-aggressiveness then it will not be a place of open communication and love. We live in the shelter of each other and the condition of the shelter we live in can affect how much we want to stay in that particular shelter or community.

But the real irony is that if the shelter is a bedraggled condition—then it’s not really a shelter. But something terrible. And it can be even worse than terrible if it is disguised as a shelter and is really a place of pain.

And that’s why it is in the shelter of each other we live. When we are really a shelter for each other—that is when we live. When we have community that is supportive and safe we live instead of just survive.

This picture is from the Shelter album and it embodies what I imagine my shelter to be like.





A huge, wonderful tree house where we all live together, sheltering each other.

A place where we can bring up problems and talk through it and then grow stronger together. A place where we don’t have to pretend and can relax and share of ourselves without being afraid. A place where we don’t feel alone even though we are surrounded by others. A shelter where we can live. Thrive even amidst the worst times of our lives because we are sheltering each other.

Egypt

I was reading through some of my old prayer journals. The ones where I first started seriously doing prayer journaling on a regular basis. It was like reading a heart-break waiting to happen. I know now what was coming and yet as I read I saw how sincerely I was praying to God for guidance and answers. What I was surprised about was the answers to prayer I got. I was praying specific prayers and they were answered in the affirmative.


Looking back now, I wonder why God allowed those prayers to be answered if He knew the eventual answer was going to be “No”. It wasn’t just one prayer on one day—or even the type of prayers that go, “If I see a red car then the answer is yes.” I prayed earnestly and was seeking God and I was receiving answers that seemed like all I had green lights to keep going. And now I wonder—why? I’m not angry or upset by what happened but it makes me think about the present and the future of my life today.





Are we so blind to our own thoughts, opinions, and feelings that God gets blocked? Or could it be that sometimes God has us walk down a path and experience certain things and then tells us that it isn’t where He wanted us to stay.


I think of the Israelites in Egypt. They were led down to Egypt, to preserve their lives and lineage through Joseph. But later, they were led out of Egypt. Not ever place we are led to, are we to stay.


Reading through the journals I see a young girl who is so in love with Jesus that I was willing (and eventually able) to give up what I held most dear. So I do not believe I was blocked to Jesus, but instead I believe that God led me down that path to my Egypt and then continued to lead me away from Egypt when the time was right.

Thoughts on not

I have been thinking about writing a story, but then I think not to. I have reasons that are hard to explain why I think I shouldn’t.

Protection: Not for myself but others. People’s actions or inactions affect people. I have affected others and others have affected me.

Change: People change. How they were, or I was, may or may not be the same. How horrible to be forever in print in one way. Even if names were changed, they would still remember—the Adventist circle is small and no one forgets the mistakes of others.

Expectations: To write a book to inspire others is to place oneself in the line of fire. I will have to live up to the story I’ve written—live up to how things started. I already feel the pressures of other expectations and am afraid of more.

The past is not always the present. Nor is the present always the past. But mostly what I think of is the idea of putting things into print that could hurt people. And maybe it wouldn’t even matter to them, but what if it did. I cannot easily step into that.